Becoming a nonbiological parent has changed me more than anything else in my life. It has made me question everything I know to be true. The labels and institutions that have been created for us make it hard to challenge those narratives. Some of the people I feel most connected to in this life and I love the most are not my blood relatives, but I have still had to go through a process to feel like a parent. Why did I feel so strongly that the "best" or "normal" family structure is a biological mother, father, and kids? Why did it take so long for me to feel like a parent just because I am not the biological mother to my kids? It wasn't because of how I felt; I was focused on how everyone else saw me instead of how I felt inside. If I could have let go of all the voices whispering that I wasn't a mom, I would have never questioned if I would fall in love with my children.
Before Bennett and Brooks were born, I asked a friend who is a nonbiological mom to her two kids if she ever wonders what it would feel like to have biological children. She said she didn’t because she couldn’t imagine loving any kid more than she loves the children she has. This is exactly how I grew to feel about my kids. I can't imagine loving them more.