What does it mean to be a parent or a mother? I’ve had a mother my whole life, but I’ve never questioned why I call her my mother. She is both my biological mother and the person who raised me. She carried me in her body and gave birth to me, but I have no memory of that. My memories of my mother are the many things she did and continues to do with and for me. I remember trips to the mall with my aunt and cousins, where we were rewarded with a food court lunch for going to the many stores they wanted to visit.
My mom was a room parent, parent teacher association president, and Brownie leader; I didn’t appreciate all she did at the time, but I now know the time and energy commitment of each of those roles. She drove me to all my soccer and lacrosse games and to out of town tournaments when I started playing club. My mom doesn’t like the cold, but I remember her sitting outside in the cold and sometimes in her warm car outside of my games at different fields around the city and the county; she was always there.
When I was in high school, my mom went through breast cancer treatment, her mom died, and her dad committed suicide, and she still did everything for us. I can’t ever remember a time that I didn’t have everything that I needed. She took me school shopping, dress shopping for dances, and continued coming to all my games.
When I was in college, I told her that I was a lesbian and that I was having panic attacks and couldn’t drive ten miles from our house. She asked what I needed; I told her I needed an extra semester of college, and she said okay.
When I met Kristi and we decided to get married, my mom and my mother in law came with us to a gay marriage expo, where many people thought they were a couple. They drove us all around the state looking at wedding venues. On our wedding day, my mom danced and cried happy tears even if my wedding day wasn’t exactly how she had once imagined it when I was a little girl.
When Bennett and Brooks were born, my mom’s whole life changed. She helped us the week we brought them home and babysat them regularly. She fell in love with her first grandkids. My mom told me many times that I should carry a child, and I’ve never asked her why, but I assumed it was because she wanted a biological grandchild. My brother never wanted kids, but when he was 40, he and his girlfriend told us that they were expecting. Matteo was born in February of 2022. I’ve never asked her, but I am pretty sure she loves all three of her grandkids the same.